*Universe takes a shot *
Universe – Are you sure you don’t want some of this great stuff I created… I call it… Boo…
Assistant – Is this another one of your “Greatest things ever” that you’re going to call boobs?
*Universe scoffs nervously*
Universe – No… It’s called Booo….ze… Yeah, it’s called Booze
Assistant – I think I’m fine, let’s just carry on with this work
Universe – Suit yourself… nerd
Assistant – What did you say?
Universe – Alright, we’re done with creating reality itself, next, Mathematics. First, we need some real numbers to match reality
Assistant – How many numbers?
Universe – Hmmm… *Shugs* Meh, all of them
Assistant – But we don’t need that many
Universe – Hey, you never know, just shove the whole bag in there
Assistant – Uhm okay, so how about over here, we have square roots of negative, should we leave that out?
Universe – Naahhh just create some imaginary numbers too
Assistant – Ima… Imag… what?
Universe – Oh yeah, create imagination
Assistant – What’s that? How does that fit into reality?
Universe – I dunno, I think for that we need to create life… And consciousness… Yeah, yeah, that would be dope
Assistant – But, but… What would their purpose be?
*Universe takes another shot*
Universe – Dunno let them figure it out, it’ll be hilarious
Assistant – Are you sure you’re fine to work? We can do this tomorrow
Universe – Naaaaah broski, I’m fine to drive, I’m totally fine
Assistant – Uhmm ooookay, maybe we should move on to physics for now… Light, particle or wave?
Universe – Particle! Wait no! Wave! Hold up! I’m about to blow your mind, Bo…
Assistant – I quit!
Universe – Fine I’m not paying you then
Assistant – Paying? What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense!
Universe – Uhmm before you go can you create a monetary system and currency real quick?
*Door slams*
Universe – OW! Close the door quieter next time! That was loud! Like a big… bang! Ooooh that’s tight!
Ridiculous thoughts #48: Little friend
While I find it incredibly adorable that the French words for boyfriend/girlfriend are petit ami/petite ami, this also brings a different context to that scene from scarface when Tony said “Say hello to my little friend!”
Ridiculous thoughts #47: Maternal snakes
It’s probably a good thing that reptiles don’t care for their young, otherwise snake bite numbers would be through the roof! Yikes! Can you imagine dealing with an overbearing mother snake? Oh… I guess the Kardashians deal with that everyday
Ridiculous thoughts #46: Misheard Lyrics
Mishearing lyrics can really change your experience of a song. I was highly disappointed when I found out Eminem’s lose yourself wasn’t about a man’s struggle with an eating disorder… Palms are sweaty, knees weak, I’m so heavy, vomit on this sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
Ridiculous thoughts #45: Televangelists
When you really think about it, aren’t televangelists just onlyfans for religious people? 🤔
Ridiculous thoughts #44: Island Life
I find it funny when people who break up from long term relationships act like they are about that single life, like… “I don’t need anyone” and “I’m fine being on my own”… Naaaaah fam, don’t act like you’re about this island life… You’re a tourist here, you’re one bad date away from calling your ex and three good dates away from saying you think you’re ready to fall in love again, posting memes about healing and allowing yourself to be happy again… Calm yourself down, drink your mojitos, take some selfies, sing some karaoke, make some bad decisions and we’ll see you next summer when you feel like you need to “reconnect with yourself again” 😘
Ridiculous thoughts #43: Acupuncture
My biggest fear with acupuncture is sneezing with a body full of needles and killing everyone in the room
Ridiculous thoughts #42: Lays chips
I recently found out that the reasons lays chips has so much “air” is to keep the chips cushioned and protected, otherwise you’d just get a packet of powdered chips, also the air is actually nitrogen which keeps the chips fresh… All this while I’ve been complaining about buying 30% air when I’m fact I’ve been getting my money’s worth of chips but with free nitrogen and extra plastic to package it all… Lays doesn’t get enough credit for giving the world exactly what it needs, more nitrogen for the atmosphere, more plastic for the oceans and most of all, a bag of fresh, intact, crispy cholesterol 👌🏾
Ridiculous thoughts #41: Anxiety
One of the things about dealing with anxiety is that your brain starts emotionally experiencing scenarios that are not relevant yet, you worry about things that are weeks or months in the future and it can sometimes require the strongest Will to keep it from consuming you. I guess one way to put it is, we’re still in mid July but I’m already in an entanglement with August
Ridiculous thoughts #40: Mask on
I know it’s silly to say but having to wear a mask is getting to me, like 40% of my charm is my winning smile, I can’t live my life on a C grade, I’m better than that 😷
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